Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Interests:Definitly dancing. But I can't help but wander if I will ever start to write again. Not as in forms of journaling, but novels, creative ideas that come from dreams and imagination. Expertise:Art, Dancing, Being thankful for what I have...most of the time. Occupation:Living life day by day.
We have less than ten years to undo what we have done to this earth in the past 100 years or more. Global warming is more apparent now not only because of the education was are getting on the issue, but you notice it everywhere, everyday. Houston, for example, is a very hot place to live at, but not unbearably hot 4 years ago. This year especially. Going out at noon is unthinkable. You might as well sit in a oven. Rain barely touch the earth now a days. If there's rain, it's a miracle. BUT we still have very nice green lawns, but should we be using that water to feed our grass and flower than feeding the peoples that have been depleted of water due to global warming? Are we not just making global warming worse? When I walk in groceries. People coming out of the store holds lots and lots of plastic bags with witch one bag only held no more than 2 medium sized item. Have we really realized that in as short as 10 years, we could see the end of the our life as we know it. Sea level will rise, and the 70% of the worlds population will be forced to migrate, and those who can't not moved in time will die. Many island countries have already faced the devastation. Will we?
The Day After Tomorrow. We have all seen that movies right? By 2015, 6 years from now, we might face that devastation for real. This time, there's no door that will lead out of the theater. No popcorn to make us realize that this is all digital. It will be as real as the computer you are staring at, the food you put in your mouth hours earlier, the water you drank not long ago. HOME. What are we willing to give up for it? What are we willing to give up to survive? Will we be so short sighted as to ignore the thread only 6 years from now?
We might even see the end of this world as we know it with in our life time.
Take a small challenge everyday. For example: 1. The next time you go to the grocery, bring your own reusable bag to carry everything. (Or buy one from the store. It's provided) 2. Turn off the air conditioning when you are not home. And when you are, turn on the fan instead. And stay cool by spending some quality time together in one room to safe even more energy. 3. Switch all your light bulbs for the energy efficient ones. Turn off the lights when you leave a room. If everyone did it. It will even make the night a little more peaceful to sleep in. (The lights coming from the city is always too bright for me at night.) Study even shows that woman are less pron to cancer if they sleep in a almost completely dark room, and sleep at least 7 hours a night. 4. Take meat off of your menu as much as possible. (Because to raise cows for our consumption, meat plants use 50% of the fuel that we deplete out of the earth-cited from the movie HOME). Make it a treat rather than a necessity. I know that is asking a lot of meat lovers. But this is also good for your health.
[This is the translation of true story originally written in Chinese. This is my attempt to translate it in parts.]
I was here, I was good. “我来过，我很乖.“
《She Yian》's father
There was a beautiful little girl, her name was SheYian. She had a pair of big and very bright eyes. She had a crystal pure heart. She was also an orphan, who only lived on this earth 8 years. The last words she left for this world was, "I was here, I was good." She wanted to die in the autumn, where her twig thin body, like a flower in the autumn, will die naturally. Where she will watch the gees fly south for the winter in the shape of a line as her body fall to the ground like a leaf in the wind. She gave up her own treatment so she can divided the 5 million and 4 thousand Yan Chinese people all around the world had donated for her into 7 parts, and like a sweet cake of hope she gave the money to 7 deserving children who shared her illness and faced death as she did.
She was born without the privilege of knowing her real parents. She only had the 'Daddy' who took her in. November 30th 1996, that was October 20th according to the Chinese calendar, 'Daddy', She Shi You, found a new born baby in the grass next to a bridge. The baby was already weak from being in the cold all night. There was a paper placed on the baby's chest. It read, "October 20th, midnight 12am." She Shi You lived in the south province of china called SiChuan. He was 30 years old at the time. Because he had no money, he was still single. If he took the baby in now, no one will even consider marrying him. Looking at the baby in his arms, who was crying weakly like a kitten, he held her and put her down and picked her up again, walked away and came back and walked away and came back. This baby’s voice had already grown very weak. If no one took her in now, she will die! Finally, he picked up the infant, sighed, and whispered, "What I eat, you will just have to eat too." He gave the baby the name, She Yian, because she was born in the autumn when crops were coming in. Overnight, this single man became a father. Without female breasts, or money to buy milk, he has no choice but to feed the infant rice soup. Because of this, She Yian had a very weak body, but she grew up very thoughtful and mature for her age. Many spring passed, like a cactus in the desert, she grew older and older. She was a very bright and sweet girl. People in her village liked her immensely. She grew up in her father’s love and care, but she always knew she wasn’t his real daughter.
Since the age of 5, She Yian knew to help her father around their hut of a house, making dinner, washing their clothes, and cleaning the house. She did all she could to take some burden off of her father’s shoulder. She knew she was different from other kids. Other kids had mommies and daddies. She only had a daddy. This family was up to her and her father to build. She made sure she was very good. She never made her father angry, or made her father worry.
When she started elementary school, she knew she had to do well at school and be number one in her class, so her illiterate father will have some face in the village. She never let her father down. She sang for her father. She told her father everything that went down at school. She placed her paper awards on the wall neatly. Sometimes she will even make up little quizzes to quiz her father. Whenever she saw that brilliant smile on her father face, she would feel fulfilled. "Even though I don't have a mommy like everyone else, having daddy is enough for me. I'm very happy."
But in May of 2005, she began to have nose bleeds often. One morning, while washing her face in a basin, she noticed that the clear water had turned pink. It was the blood flowing from her nose dripping into the water that had made the water pink. No matter what she did, what method she used, the bleeding wouldn't stop. Without much choice, She Shi You had to take her to the hospital for shoots. But the tiny wound from the needle wouldn't stop bleeding. The doctor noticed that there were little red dots on her legs. The doctor suggested that they move her to a larger hospital. Arriving in ChengDu, the capital of the province, they had caught the busiest hour of the hospital and had to wait in line to be seen by a doctor. Her nose never stopped bleeding. In a few moments the floor beneath her was wet with fresh blood. She then had to put a pan on her lap to catch the blood. A doctor saw how serious her illness is, and rushed her into the emergency room.
She was diagnosed with leukemia. The doctor informed the father that to treat this disease is very costly. The average cost is 3 Million Yan. She ShiYou was frozen in shock. Where was he going to get that kind of money? He looked at his daughter, and decided on the only thing he could do. He had to sale his hut. But because of the condition of the hut, no one was in a hurry to buy it.
Looking at her father’s saddened eyes and pale face, She Yian can’t help but feel guilty. Ones, she held her father’s hand and said, “Daddy, I want to die…”
Shocked, he asked her, “You are only eight, why do you want to die?”
“I was thrown away by my mommy and daddy. People always say I can’t take very serious illnesses. Just take me home...”
June 18th, SheYian wrote on her hospital form for her illiterate father, "Willingly give up treatment for She Yian."
That day, when they got home, the little girl that never asked her father for anything asked her father for 2 things: She wanted to buy new clothes, and she wanted to take pictures.
She explained to her father, "When I'm gone, if you miss me, you can look at those pictures."
working everyday from sun up to sun down, sounds tiring doesn't it? Most days it's from 3pm to 12am. But occasionally, I have to work from 7am to 12am or 1am.
It sounds like a lot of work. And you must be thinking, "wow, you must be very tired." But I couldn't have talked about how tired I am until yesterday. Friday night I came home from work at 1am, then worked out till 2am, fell asleep at 3am, and then had to get up at 7:30am to go to work. Saturday's work lasted till 1am in the morning, and by that time my eyes were very sore. My mind was very numb, and I had been feeling sick since that morning. I had little apatite at lunch, and ate really nothing that suited my stomach. I came home at 2am, and felt so tired that my mind was alert to every little sound. Too alert to fall asleep. You know the feeling that you get when you stay up too long at night finishing up that project? By 3am or 4am, you don't need to sleep anymore, because your mind's wind up so hard that you can feel the consciousness of your mind restricting your eyes open.
And then to think that Sunday would start at 7am again and last till 12am that night was unbearable.
It was the most miserable feeling. I felt like pushing all of it away. I don't want to work! I need sleep. I need some rest! But of course there was no getting around it 'cept pushing it on mom. "I have been working all week! You go tomorrow. I want to rest." That's what I said to her. An argument came after, even though it was very unreasonble of me to demand that she works, since by picking me up and taking me to work, she must be as tired as I am. But a tired person is irrational. I couldn't think of anything else to do. I wanted to take a break!!!
When I calmed down, I decided to go to work today. I have to. There's no escaping the fact that my tutions, my college tuition rested on me working all summer for it.
I don't HAVE someone to pay for my tuition. It's only mom and me now. And even though, if he can, dad would pay for my tuition, he's got no money himself, and he's struggling too.
Then I try to push away work by thinking that maybe, just maybe, I will get enough financial aid to not work this hard anymore. Then again, my financial aid application is pending, and with all of my special circumstances, it's not a guarantee thing.
I can joke about this one day. I can say to someone later on when things aren't this hard, "I use to wish I can turn paper into green 100 dollar bills!" But right now, I can only be split between the feeling of denial, and the reality of things. Denial, because I can't believe how hard things is for me. When my friends all want a job so they can buy more things for themselves, get a hair cut, or buy that car they really wanted with assistance from their parents, I'm working so I can attend college. I'm shouldering more burden than most children my age have to.
If I'm optimistic about it, I will say, "This means I can be stronger later on in life. Because of what I have to go through now, I will only benefit later. And girls who have even harder life than I do, my being tired is nothing compared to what they have to go through. Some girls have give up college to raise their sister and brothers, or they would be send off to foster homes. That kind of sacrifice is something I will never have to make. How can I say I'm suffering, when there's people suffering more than I do. I'm lucky, and blessed by many other things."
But if I'm thinking as I did last night and now, I would say, "How unfair this is. Why do I have to shoulder this kind of pressure at this young age. Look at my peers! Look how easy their life is! And some of them don't even understand how hard life is for people like me. Like the last time I took time off from work to hang out with friends, this one particular friend went out of her way to make my time miserable, so much so that I left early from the gathering. Can't she understand how precious time is? I'm taking time off just so I can enjoy myself with them, why can't she be nice and understanding? And my friends, even though they say to me, 'on that must be tiring.' or 'wow, that's a lot of work!' I wonder how much they really understand. Because until someone really step into the other's shoe, or have experienced how tiring working 18hrs a day is, they don't really get it."
Maybe I will feel more optimistic tomorrow. But until I realize how realistic this is. and there's no getting around it, that THIS IS MY LIFE. I don't think I will stop wondering when I can stop working and just be a normal, regular college student off on her summer.
Now, how exactly do you put a youtube video on here directly with a link? I had previously, in a far off past, put some Youtube vid on here, but the time gap had made me forget how I did it. Or was it because xanga changed from that long ago past?
So how do we put a youtube video on xanga with out having to download them first?
I don't really watch this show too much. But from the clips and constant DVD on sale at Borders, I know what it's about, and I occasionally get a glimpse of the before and after. Inspiration no? I'm currently an a weight loss goal too. Right now I'm about 144Ibs. My goal is to loss 24 Ibs this summer. hum. I think that would be very reasonable. Since that's about 1 Ib a week. More over, I have more than one temptation to loss weight. Yesterday, we made a deal. If I lose 15Ibs before this summer's end, she will get me a iPOD Nano Gen. 4 Green.
hahaha, nothing else got me moving like that. I had stopped working out for a week, and it was the only thing that made me work out last night. XD We joked about that. Mom kept on saying, "Nothing is more powerful than an iPOD." VERY TRUE. hahah
